How to Avoid the Heat
Foolish as it may seem, the public gets all "het up" in the sweltering heat of midsummer trying to get rid of the heat. Millions of dollars and eons of time are consumed in the vain attempt to remove the baneful effects of the sun's beneficent influence.
For the sake of our suffering constituency, we herewith append a list of heat cures that may be tried. We do not guarantee that the cures are not worse than the disease.
To counteract the heat:
Sit on a cake of ice.
Eat ice cream cones all day long.
Get a burglar to lock you in an ice box.
Go bathing, but do not swim or get out of the water.
Attach an electric fan to your waist and make off it's a radio outfit.
Get someone to drive you around in his car all day and evening without expecting any return (if you can).
Attend a show where the air is 50 degrees cooler that in the street, and stay through all the performances.
Buy an old apple tree and sit in its shade.
Hire a yacht and ride on the ocean all summer.
Sleep in the bathtub.
Sleep in your bearskin.
Take an air trip and land on a mountain in Southern California.
Refuse to work on hot days.
Disguise yourself as an icicle.
Keep away from fires.
Don't wear furs.
Don't wear stockings.
Don't wear shoes.
That'll be about all.
—Originally published in The Flapper, July 1922